On the Edge-Bipolar Truths

Lifted. I hate depression. I know it well.  It is like Satan himself is literally sitting on the top of your head, jumping up and down, stomping you right into the pit of despair he dug just for you. I hate the lack of energy, the tidal wave of emotions that come in sets, unannounced. I hate the isolation that Satan convinces us to desire. I hate the feeling of inadequacy and failure, at everything. Satan always coming at us through our weakest points. Even those small, unimportant things, like not vacuuming. FAIL. I hate crying. Then I hate not crying. Those moments we look in a mirror and despise ourselves for what we see on the outside, and on the inside. I have fought my entire life to overcome these lies that the devil had placed in my mind. I have fought to climb out of that pit, with everything I’ve got- just to survive another day. I have fought the temptations of Satan, the doubt he instills in every part of who I am.. I fight to remind my...

Hope after a touch from evil. I moved through time with the reminder of his evil touch. The fear and anger of unwanted touch and ugly memories so triggering, I chose to hold them deep in my silent self. I sauntered as a woman scorned to one therapist after another, always sharing just enough but never close to all. I erected walls around the worst segments, and there the pieces of my broken past remained. In 2006, the desire to be free overwhelmed me. Those erected walls did not only hold the pain, they held the unfounded dreams, hopes, and confidence of my life. I didn’t want to remove that wall, I wanted to take a bulldozer and destroy it to dust. In my past, I kept certain secrets within, but this was no time to be selfish with myself. To find the freedom I desperately craved, the truths of the touch would have to come out. I found the best Christian counselor and away we walked together through the hidden caverns of my mind. At about nine months in, he gave me an...